Why... why... why.

Do you ever just ask yourself why?

Why can't I get a job?
Why can't I get the job I want?
Why don't I have a husband?
Why do I have to go through this?
Why...  Why...

Why.

I try not to question why I go through things in my life.  But sometimes it's hard.  Really hard.  Can I get an amen?  Or a head nod or something at least?

I've said one too many times to Sean, my mom, heck, almost anyone that I've ever talked to, "This isn't fair.  Why do I have to go through this?"

But wouldn't you know it, I was watching another sermon by Steven Furtick and something really hit home for me.

"God allows us to be afflicted with the very thing we are called to heal, otherwise we'd be arrogant."

-Steven Furtick-

I've toyed with this idea in my own life for a little while.  Maybe the reason I have to go through this is to be an encouragement, a help, to someone else.  Maybe, just maybe, I'm not going through this only for me but possibly for someone else as well.

The number of people that I've had reach out to me since I started this journey is sometimes overwhelming.  People telling me that they're going through the same thing, that they get it.  People telling me they've suffered a miscarriage and wondering how I got through it.  People telling me they're just beginning their journey with infertility and wanting to thank me for sharing my story.

Wow.

People all over the place, people I haven't talked to in awhile, sometimes even years, reaching out to me.  Me!  So maybe I'm going through this for them.

Can I be honest for a second?  Like really, really honest?  I never really knew much about miscarriages, infertility, or the struggle so many people face to have a child of their own.  I never knew.  I never knew the burdens, the fears, the pains, the tears, the worries.  I never knew.  I never thought about it.  I never prayed for those people.  I never prayed them through the burdens, the fears, the pains, the tears, or the worries.  I wasn't empathetic to their losses.  I was empathetic to their situations.  I just wasn't.

But now?  Now I get it.  I really, really get it.  Now when someone comes to me and says,

"I'm starting my journey."
"I'm going through this as well."
"I just lost a baby."

I completely get it.

I can think about them.  I can pray for them.  I can pray them through their burdens, fears, pains, tears, and worries.  I can not only get it, but understand it.  I know where they've been.  I know all those feelings.  I know.

Maybe that's the reason I'm going through this.  Or at least part of the reason.  Maybe it's not for myself but for others.