Does God really have a plan?

You want to know the beautiful thing about Facebook?  There's something for everyone.  There's gun lovers pages and pages for fitness gurus and pages for moms and pages for anything and everything under the sun.  It's an incredible way to connect with others like yourself.

For me, this includes being a part of groups specifically for military wives at Fort Drum and groups for those, like myself, that suffer with infertility.

I've learned so much information from these groups.  I'm thankful for them in a number of ways.  I'm also challenged greatly from these groups, specifically those dealing with infertility.

A few days ago on one of these pages, a conversation was started surrounding people's belief in God.  I would say the overall consensus was that these women did believe in God but did not believe in Him having a plan or that our lives are in His hands.

This of course got me to thinking, and so now I pose this question to you.

Here's my thoughts.  And for what it's worth, I've struggled with this greatly over the last two years since I suffered my first and only miscarriage.

God does have a plan.  I don't doubt this.  I know this to be true because it says in Jeremiah 29:11, 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "

That's how I know God has a plan for me.

So then why is it that you have a group of women who seemingly believe in God say they don't believe in His plan or even get offended when someone tells them it's (having a baby) in His timing??

Well.  I have an idea.  But it's probably not a popular one.  

We want God's plan to be, to line up, with what we want, not what He wants.

We have this idea in our minds of how our lives should go.  The things we want, the things we don't want.  The age we should get married, the number of kids we should have, the illnesses we should or shouldn't have to deal with, maybe even the age we live to or how we die.  We plan our lives down to the smallest little thing.  

So what happens when we don't get married at the age we wanted?  What happens if we end up with only two kids instead of the 'perfect' three?  What happens if instead of living a long healthy life, we find out suddenly we have cancer?  

What if our plan is not what God's plan is?

What if God says no to marriage?

What if God says no to kids?

What if God says no to a long healthy life?  

What if God's plan says no when your plan says yes?

Do you still believe? 

Do you still believe that there is a God and that that same God does have a plan for your life?  

Do you?  

I've wrestled with this many, many times myself.

All my life I've dreamt of getting married and having kids.  

I've dreamt of Christmas morning when the kids wake up and see their gifts under the tree.

I've dreamt of family vacations full of laughter and fun.

I've dreamt of asking my kids how their day of school was, even if their response is always, "fine."  

This is the plan I've had.  

But is it God's plan?

Maybe.  But maybe not.  

Maybe God's plan doesn't include those Christmas mornings or vacations or after school chats.

But maybe God's plan is better.

I can say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't suffered a miscarriage, if I hadn't struggled for the last two years with infertility.  I wouldn't be who I am.  And I also know, without a doubt, that I'm a better person because of it.

So can I accept that God's plan might not be my plan?  

Yes.  I can.  Most days.  

Because I've seen God's faithfulness in my life even, and especially when, my plan was not the same as His plan.  I've seen how He's worked in my life even, and especially when, my plan was not the same as His plan. 

So what if God's plan says no when your plan says yes?  

Do you still believe?  

Sunday night ramblings

HI FRIENDS!!!  Wow, has it been a long time or what?!  So much has happened over the last few months, and as always, I have been the worst at updating the blog.  But.  I'm hoping that will change.

So.  What's been going on?

Well, I've settled into my new life in Minnesota as my husband is deployed.  What a huge, huge blessing it has been to be back with my family and friends during this time!  We are just a little bit shy of hitting the halfway mark, and soon we'll be able to start thinking about homecoming.  OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT!!!  In the meantime though, sweet Hailey Belle and I are hanging out, enjoying this time at home.

And I'm sure this goes without saying, since ya know, my husband is gone, but the journey to Baby Seidler is currently on hold.  Really, if I'm honest, it's been on hold for the better part of 2015, for a lot of different reasons, BUT I've still learned so much over the last, nearly 12 months.

So, let's jump right in.

A few days ago I read this blog by Natasha Metzler, and if you have a chance, it's a good, super quick, read.  This part really stuck out to me though, "It’s easy, when faced with an empty dream, to think, “If I just had this thing…” but it’s a lie. Dear one, did you hear me? It’s a lie. God created us to have relationship with Him. And only in Him will we find enough."

This is something I've struggled with a lot in my journey through infertility.

If only I could have a baby.
If only I didn't have endometriosis.
If only the treatments worked.
If only
If only
If only

The thing is, those statements never end.  There will always be something at the end of that 'if only.'  We are created to want more.  We crave it.  But ultimately, that list of 'if only's' will just keep growing and growing and growing.  

Now fast forward to this morning in church.  We read from 1 Thessalonians 5, verses 16-18.

"Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Did you hear that?  Always be joyful.  Be thankful in all circumstances.

Let me say that again.

Always be joyful.  Be thankful in all circumstances.

It doesn't say be joyful only when times are good.  It doesn't say be thankful only when times are good.

See, that's too easy.  It's too easy to be thankful when everything is good.  When everything is happy. Just as it's too easy to be joyful in those times.

But what about when it's not?

What about when I'm still in the midst of a battle with infertility?  What about when I'm single and don't want to be?  What about when I've lost a family member, a friend, a loved one and I'm facing Christmas without them?  What about then?

Well.

You can still be joyful.  You can still be thankful.

And trust me when I say, I'm writing this for myself as much as anyone else.  Do you think I felt joy or thankfulness when the dr in the ER told me that I had lost my baby?  Um.  No.  I didn't.  So when I say this, please believe that I certainly have not always been able to feel joy and thankfulness during the hard times of my life.  

Then there's the blog I read tonight, which is ultimately what triggered this.

"It’s the lesson I was learning through infertility… the one I was so slow to understand. I needed to stop dreaming and start living the life God had given me."

God has given us everything we need to live a beautiful, fulfilled life, right.where.we.are.

Life is hard.  Can we be honest about that?  Dealing with infertility is hard.  Dealing with deployment is hard.  Trying to navigate through everyday life without wanting to bang my head against the wall every so often is hard.

But God has us in the place we are- where you are, where I am- for a reason, for a very specific purpose.  And it's good.  Oh, it's so good.  If we would just start living in it.  If we would just stop living in the 'if only' moments that we create in our minds.

If only I could have a baby.
If only I didn't have endometriosis.
If only the treatments worked.
If only
If only
If only

If only.

Friends, today I encourage you to stop living in the 'if only' moments.  Stop living for a tomorrow that hasn't even happened yet.  Stop living for the days, weeks, months, maybe even years ahead, that only God knows about.  Start living in today.  The here.  The now.  The moments that matter, and truthfully, the only moments you have, because as it says in Proverbs 27:1, "Don't brag about tomorrow, since you don't know what the day will bring."  Start being thankful and joyful in not just the good times, but the hard times too.  In the seasons where you're looking to God wondering why.  Start living your life the way God intended for it to be lived.