Time off.

Do you ever do something and as you're doing it, or after maybe, you realize just how badly you needed it?

That's how I feel right now.

We've officially been in Minnesota for 1 week, and it has been 1 week of pure bliss.  Lots of family time, lots of games, and lots of traditional Christmas things.  S and I have been hitting up the Mall of America, baking and decorating cookies, and building gingerbread houses.  We still have some Christmas shopping to get done, but we haven't been concerned about the time crunch we're under, clearly ;)

Something this week hasn't included though has been all things infertility related.

No appointments.  No medications.  No schedule.

You don't realize how daunting all of it can be until you suddenly aren't doing it anymore.  Not feeling bound by those things is so freeing.  I said it in my last post and I'll say it again, I know that in the world of infertility, heck, even under completely normal conditions, 2 months of "trying" is nothing.  That's just the beginning in most cases.  But sometimes it's hard to remember that.  It's hard to think that it's really only been 2 months since my miscarriage was 14 months ago.  It's hard to remember that God's plan is greater than my own.  It's just really hard.

But.

This week has been free of all of it!  And it's good.  So, so good.

Yesterday I did have myself a nice little pity party though.  My parents, S, and I went down to my grandparents house to see some family that we hadn't seen in a long time, too long!  As everyone sat around talking about their kids and babies and jobs, I just got to thinking how pathetic my life really is.  Most of the time I'm ok with not having a teaching job.  Most of the time I'm ok with not having kids that are toddlers already.  Most of the time I'm ok with not having a baby or being pregnant, but yesterday?  I just felt... pathetic.  Like what am I doing with my life??  It's been something I've struggled with for a little while now really.  I realize now that it's fine though.  Life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to or think it will.  Sometimes life takes us to unexpected places.  

On the other hand,

I do have my photography.
I do have a husband that comes home to me every, some, most nights.
I do have a house I can tend to and a sweet pup to love on.  
I do have a baby to {hopefully} prepare my body and house for in the coming... year(s)?

I don't know what this coming year will bring, but I do know that right now, right here, I needed this time away.  I didn't realized it until it was already underway, but this month off is truly the perfect way to end 2014.  So I'm thanking God for these moments.  The moments I didn't expect, the moments I didn't know I needed, but so desperately truly needed.