The new and improved: Infertile Faith

I've been asked a few times now if I deleted my blog or where it went.  Honestly the question kind of stuns me.  I'm just so surprised that 1. people actually read my blog, and 2. like it enough to ask what happened to it.  It's so sweet, and makes me realize over and over again how it's not just S and me that are going through this journey.  It's everyone that has read any blog post I've written over the last year.  It makes it feel less lonely.

Anyways, that leads me to this post.

No, I did not delete my blog.  It just got a little facelift, including a name change.

When I very first started my blog, the name My Heart to His Boots was fitting.  It was all about our life with the Army, mostly deployment at the time.  But then I had the miscarriage and things shifted for army life to infertility life.  Along the way, I've dealt with a lot of questioning, a lot of tears, a lot of hurt, and eventually, hope and joy and a stronger faith.  Hence the name, Infertile Faith.

The definition of infertile is not able to reproduce; not fertile or productive.  That is so the opposite of what I want for my faith, especially in this journey.  Some days, the best I can do is let the tears fall and say, "Please help me, Jesus.  Please get me through this."  But the longer this journey has gone, the more I've realized my complete dependance on God.  The need to breathe Him in every second of every day.  To have a faith that is opposite of not being able to reproduce or be productive.  Even in the hard times, I want a faith that reproduces, that is productive, even if in the smallest of ways.

But can I just be honest?  That doesn't always happen.  I don't always have a faith that reproduces or is productive.  Sometimes, my faith is infertile.  Sometimes, it has nothing to give.  Sometimes it just can't.

I'm working on it though.  Every day, every hour, every minute, I'm working on it.  I'm working on having a faith that is fertile rather than infertile, just like I'm working to have a body that is fertile rather than infertile.  But my faith comes first.  Because without a fertile faith, there's no point to having a fertile body.