Ok, well it was only with a 1, maybe 1 1/2 inch needle, but still. I'm not a fan of needles. Never have been, and I'm honestly not sure I ever will be. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be giving myself (or having someone other than a nurse give me) a shot, in my own home for the sake of having a baby, I probably would have said you were crazy. But that's where we're at anyways.
Last Saturday I took my last two pills of Letrozole and had an u/s and blood work yesterday to find out if we could go ahead with the trigger shot. I tried not to think too much about what the results might be. I could think of all sorts of things to go wrong, but I just didn't want to go there. We got great news! For the 3rd u/s in a row, I haven't had any cysts present. This is awesome considering every one up until my surgery always showed one. And secondly I had two good looking follicles. In a normal person, having only 2 follicles wouldn't be good, but with the Letrozole, the purpose is quality, not quantity. So I had 1 good sized follicle that was already ovulating on its own, and then 1 really good follicle that I would be able to trigger.
To say that I was nervous about letting my husband poke me with a needle would be a severe understatement. But he did great! I wouldn't say he's exactly known for being serious, but this, he took seriously, which you can clearly see in his face ;)
It didn't hurt at all, but there was a pretty intense stinging for about 10 seconds afterwards. It wasn't until a few hours later that I really noticed how sore it was, and today it's still pretty sore. I'm thankful it wasn't too bad, but I'm also thankful I only have to do that once a month!
So now, we wait. Well, I think you know what we do in the mean time, but other than that, we wait ;)
The interesting thing with infertility and ttc (trying to conceive) is that everything is done so much differently. In a normal person, and I say normal as in the able to get pregnant on their own kinda way, they would probably take a home pregnancy test after missing a period and then have it confirmed by an hcg/beta test. In someone with fertility issues, our pregnancy tests are scheduled in advance before you even have a chance of becoming pregnant! When the nurse yesterday told me what day I would need to have my beta test, I had a tiny moment of freaking out. It made everything seem more real. And then the inner questions and doubting started regarding a phone call that won't be made for several weeks still!
What if it doesn't work?
What if it never works?
What if I'm not pregnant?
What if I still can't get pregnant?
And that list goes on and on and on. I quickly decided that I couldn't think about it. No matter what the outcome of that phone call is, I will still be thankful. It's been a long 7 month, 2 surgery, countless needles and pokes, tons of medications, road to even get to this point. The point that pregnancy is once again a real possibility. So even if in a few weeks it turns out that I'm not pregnant, I'm ok with that. I've really, truly, reached the point where I'm content with where we're at and each season we're in. We're finally back in the 'trying' season again, and that's so exciting, but each season has a purpose, so whatever the outcome, I'll be good. Disappointed? Probably. But still good.
I know that God's plan is so much greater than my own, even if I may not always understand it. Just like with everything else in this journey though, I'm leaving this new season of trying completely in His hands!
But I wouldn't say no to anyone that wants to pray for a positive test anyways ;)
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