"I’ve commanded you, haven’t I? Be strong and courageous. Don’t be fearful or discouraged, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
-Joshua 1:9-
I thought that it was very fitting for where I'm at in life right now, so I wanted to do some reading in Joshua. You see, that's a great verse, but what was the context of it? What was Joshua going through that he needed to not be fearful of?
"No one will be victorious[d] against you for the rest of your life. I’ll be with you just like I was with Moses—I’ll neither fail you nor abandon you. Be strong and courageous, because you’ll be leading this people to inherit the land that I promised to give their ancestors."
-Joshua 1:5-6-
Moses had just died, and suddenly, Joshua was responsible for leading an entire people, an entire nation, into the land God had promised them. And just because God promised it, didn't mean it was going to be easy. God never promised the road would be easy. In fact, He did promise it would be full of trials and tribulations. Joshua was about to be up against a lot, and I'm fairly certain he knew that. So if he, who was going to face all sorts of trials and tribulations was told to not be fearful or discouraged, how much more should I be following that instruction?
See, here's the the thing. Have you heard about the momma who struggled with infertility for 8 years, eight years, before finally becoming pregnant through IVF? It's been all over the news and social media lately. Why? Because, she didn't just get pregnant with 1 or 2. She is pregnant with FOUR babies! So of course I now follow them on youtube, Facebook, and Instagram. Naturally ;) And I was so into the story and encouraged by it until I found out why she struggled with infertility.
Endometriosis.
Just.Like.Me.
Ugh.
It felt like a punch to the gut. And suddenly, the fears, the worries, the little voice that says that's going to be me, started to creep in. Now, I don't know about you, but I certainly don't have $12,000 laying around for S and I to try IVF. And that's scary.
The very thing that caused her to not be able to get pregnant, is the exact same thing I suffer from. Of course, I don't know her entire story, and their absolutely could be more to it, but that initial thought, that initial seedling that says, "This is going to be you, and you don't have the money for it," can become overwhelming. And quickly!
That's when I really need to step back, take a breath, and remember God's word. I have been commanded not to be fearful or discouraged, because God is with me wherever I am. That's an incredible thing. And I definitely need to remember that as we enter into this next season of ttc (trying to conceive).
So here are some of the things that I worry about.
*My cysts will come back, and I won't be able to start the medications.
*My follicles won't be big enough.
*That S won't be around due to work.
*That this just.won't.work.
But I realize that being fearful, worrisome, or getting discouraged won't make a difference. This whole thing is in God's hand, of that I am convinced. So instead of fearing and being discouraged, I'm choosing to remember that I have a great and mighty God. I have a God who brought me through my miscarriage, a God who brought me to CNY (fertility dr.), a God who brought me through the trials of the last 12 months, and He certainly will bring me through this.
And if I happen to end up needing IVF, I'm certain that God will bring me through that as well. He is a God who provides. My life is proof of that. So does it scare me? Sure. Will there be days that I worry and fear? Absolutely. But am I going to live every minute of every day surrounded by negative thoughts or feelings? NO.
Because, as Lisa TerKeurst says, "God is good, and God is good at being God." And that's enough for me.
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