Surprise!

Huuuuh.  This is me taking a nice deep breath.  I feel like I just need it right now.

I got some unexpected news today.

If you'll remember back about a month ago, I had my first shot of Lupron.  Lupron is typically known to have pretty strong side effects, and I was nervous from the minute I found out I'd be taking it.  Luckily, well, I don't know if I'd say lucky, but the worst of my symptoms has been my out of control emotions.  Every once in awhile I'd get a hot flash and I had terrible headaches most days, but those I can deal with.  My emotions, I cannot.  And if I can't deal with it, imagine what it's been like for my poor husband.  Just, no.  But, even with all of that, I was ok having to endure another month, maybe 2 of it.  Until last week.

Last week, I started noticing some small bumps on the side of my neck and chest.  It just looked like I was breaking out sort of, but it only got worse.  Eventually it mostly went away, but the next afternoon, it came back terribly.  I had decided to call the doctor the next morning if it was still there. Thankfully it wasn't, but knew I would mention it to the nurse when I called for my 1 month update.

Today was that day.

I was able to talk with the nurse who I meet with just about every time I am in their office, and she decided it's probably best if I don't continue with the Lupron.  She has obvious concerns about the hives and what could be causing them.  Since I haven't changed anything other than taking the Lupron, it's most likely from that.

So, now we move on.

{DEEP BREATH}

It's a very exciting time but also incredibly scary.  I was not expecting this to come for at least another month, maybe 2, so this is a big shock to me.

The other day I was just thinking about what it would be like to not be on Lupron, and to know that we are officially back in the "trying" stage.  I got nervous.  But, that was short lived as I "knew" I still had at least one more shot left.  Well.  We see how that turned out.

Now I actually am nervous.  It's exciting, definitely.  But this has been a long time coming.  It's been a year since the miscarriage and almost 6 months since we first started with fertility treatments.  It's hard to imagine going back to the "this month could be it" thinking again.  Honestly, I thought I would be so ready, so excited, for it, but now that it's here, I don't know how to feel.

I'll be taking 4 different medications, so that alone is overwhelming, but I know it's all for a purpose.  I do however, feel very at peace with this whole thing.  Even though it came as a surprise, I'm at peace.  I know that this is God's plan.  I'm excited about the upcoming months and hopeful that all of this will be for a reason.

Nonetheless, I'd love if you would join me in praying as we enter into this new phase of treatment.  It's a whole new season for us, and after a lot of heartbreak and tears, we sure could use some good news.  Maybe 2015 will be the year we welcome a little baby Seidler!!