A new journey.

Well... 

it looks like this is really happening.  Really, really happening. 

I feel like I should be more nervous than I am, but I just feel good about everything.  And truthfully, that's a very refreshing feeling to have. 

This is the first time since, honestly, last October that I've just felt good.  That I've felt positive.  That I've felt encouraged.  I'm ready for these next steps and am excited about what the future will bring.

I feel like this last month has taught me so many things.  The biggest of those things is that God is working in this.  I've spent the last almost year now, trying to understand why.  Why I have to go through this.  Why I can't have a baby.  Why there are so many terrible people having babies when they don't deserve them.

But now I get it.  

It isn't about why.  

It's about where.  

Where I am.  

This is where I am.  

For whatever reason, this is where I am.  

And it's good.     

It doesn't mean that this is where I'm staying.  It doesn't mean that this is our forever.  It just means that God has us here, in this place, this time, this moment, for a reason.  And I'm ok with that.  I'm learning to be content with that. 

That understanding has really lifted a weight off of me.  

Even though I'm excited about the coming months and what they will hopefully bring, I don't feel like I need to stress every month about whether or not we get that positive test.  

I'm learning to be ok, to be good, with the journey.  

There's joy to be found in every journey.  And I'm finally finding the joy.   

Anyways.  Tomorrow I head to the doctor and hopefully I'll find out some more information about my meds and what happens now.  I think a lot of doctors appointments are in my future :)