Booty shot

I debated writing today's blog.  I'm not sure how much information is too much information, so it leaves me questioning the decisions I make sometimes.  But, like I've said before, when this whole journey started for me, I looked for information anywhere I could get it, so 1) I do it for that, and 2) I do it for me.  No matter where we go from here, I want to always remember where we've come from.

So.

Do you ever feel like you just need to stop and take a breath before talking about something?  That's what I just felt like I needed to do.

Last Thursday when I initially found out, and then later wrote about, the next steps in my treatment plan, I felt very overwhelmed.  That is no secret.  Hearing all these medications and medical terms being tossed around so casually, was just almost too much for me.  It's a lot to deal with.  Today I went back into the clinic to have my first shot of Lupron.  It was a booty shot, because I know you were interested in that little tidbit of information ;)  This is the the medicine that will put me into a menopausal like state.  It basically shuts my insides down.  Part of the problem with endo, is that it will almost always come back.  So shutting everything down for a short time will hopefully help to alleviate this a little bit.

I also had the chance to chat with one of the nurses in more depth at today's appointment.  Last week I was so emotionally charged that gathering any coherent thoughts was nearly impossible.  Just finding everything out was a lot, but then to ask all the questions too?  It just wasn't happening.  So today, I asked.  I asked a lot.  I now have a better understand of why the Lupron is so important to my treatment.  Although I'm still a little worried about the side effects I may experience, I'm more comfortable with knowing that they serve a purpose.  Most of my questions though were geared towards what happens after the Lupron is done.

Right after finishing the shots, whether that is 1, 2, or 3 months, I don't know 100% yet, I will start taking Letrozole.  This is a drug that is commonly used in women suffering from infertility.  Sean and I plan on just using the Letrozole at first.  The doctors suggestion would be to use it and have an IUI also, but we want to just do things the most "natural" way we can at first.  Not to mention that each IUI costs $270, which is a pretty large chunk of change.  Right now we are not putting a time limit on how long we will try before going to the IUI.  While the chances increase with an IUI, we have a great and mighty God that can certainly answer our prayers before that is necessary.  Even with an IUI, the chances of pregnancy are only 10-15%, soooo, not great.  

At this moment, I'm feeling.... honestly, I don't know what I'm feeling.  On the drive home from Syracuse, I told Sean I don't know how much more of this I can take.  And it's true.  I'm emotionally drained.  I'm overwhelmed.  And I'm most certainly tired of having to deal with this.  I still stand by my statement that this is supposed to be my story, my journey, but that doesn't make it any easier.

So this is kind of where we're at.  Things are pretty much on hold for right now.  It's frustrating, I won't lie.  It's incredibly difficult to be included in the 10% of women that suffer from infertility in the U.S.  It is especially difficult when you are surrounded by people that are having babies.  I am literally surrounded by them.  But again, we have a great and mighty God that I know has the ability to overcome this.

I've asked before, and although it's maybe a little desperate, this is where I'm at.  Please pray with me.  With us.  Please pray that I have the patience to wait while the Lupron works over the coming months.  Please pray that an IUI is not necessary as we are already dealing with the strain of loans and cars and life.  Please pray that Sean and I, mostly me though because I'm definitely struggling, continue to have faith that all this will work out and in the end, we'll receive our little blessing.

I will continue to update the blog every now and then, but for now, this is where things stands.  Not much will be changing in the next month at least, so for now, just please pray.