The 'D' Word

Gosh, has it been forever since I blogged or what?!  Lots has been happening in the month since my last post!

At the end of May, S flew down to Arizona to pick up his boys and bring them back to NY for the summer.  It has been crazy having two high energy boys around all day long, but it has been fun!  Definitely teaching me a thing or two about patience ;)

We also got hit with the big "D" word last week.  In a normal person's world, that usually means divorce.  Not here.  In our world, it means deployment :(

So yeah, we're heading down that road again.  I'm not ready.  Nowhere near ready actually.  I don't think there's ever a way to be ready for something like this, but it's coming whether I'm ready or not.  With his first deployment, I totally embraced the saying ignorance is bliss.  I had no expectations of what it would be like, but this time I know.  And it sucks.

To be honest, I'm a lot more scared this time than I was last time.  Maybe it's because I know the danger he'll be in.  Maybe it's because I know him and how he'd give up his own life to save someone else.  Maybe it's because we've done the army thing long enough now that I know people that have lost spouses or friends doing exactly what he's being sent off to do.  And it's scary.  Really, really scary.

We still have a little time together, but I know the weeks will fly by and before I know it, we'll be saying 'see you later' again.  Walking away from him knowing I wouldn't see him again for 9 months was hands down the hardest thing I've done in my life, and I'm about to do it again.  Somehow I have to get ready.  Somehow I'll have to do it.  I don't know how I will.

So, everything else is on the back burner for now.  All I can do is get through the next days and months in this new chapter of our lives.  

I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but these days I feel like my breaking point is just around the corner.