The power of prayer

This is a blog I've debated writing for awhile.  Anyone that knows me, or reads this blog, knows that I have been pretty open about the miscarriage and the journey that it has taken us on since then.

I've been honest about my feelings, my frustrations, all of it.  But what I haven't been honest about are the facts.  My feelings and opinions are one thing.  I know what I feel and think, and I'm not afraid to share that.  Maybe it's because with my feelings, nothing can make them more or less true, it's just what they are.  But for some reason putting facts out there for everyone to know, I don't know, it makes it more true, more permanent, more real somehow.  I think I even feel embarrassed over the whole thing.  If I don't share that we've been trying for a baby for roughly 9 months now, it doesn't make it true, right?  Wrong.  It's still true.  And it still sucks.  

Back in May, 7 months after the miscarriage, we had our first appointment with a fertility specialist in Syracuse.  Not long after that we were back for our second visit.  It was at this appointment that I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.  Previous to this, I had never even heard of it.  What I've learned since then is this is a pretty common thing; that a lot of women struggle with this same thing.  

Now... to the reason I'm even sharing this.  I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that God has a plan for us.  And I believe that part of having faith, believing that God can overcome, is being open and honest.

Until now, it's been one thing to talk about the miscarriage.  It's what happened.  It's something I can't deny.  And while I haven't exactly wanted to keep our struggle of conceiving since then a secret, it isn't something I've been wanting to shout from the rooftops either.

Back to the reason for the post... There are several different treatments for Endometriosis, but the route my doctor suggested taking is having a laparoscopy to remove the cysts.  For someone who's never had anything worse happen than a couple of stitches, this could be scary.  But that's the scariest part for me.  Of course I know there's risk, I know there's problems that could arise, but they don't worry me.  What are my worries?  My fears?  After the surgery.  What happens after.

I think I've known since I was little that I wanted to be a mom.  Forget a job.  Forget a career.  I was made to be a mom.  I think jobs and careers are important, and women that want them?  Great.  It's just not what I always saw myself doing.  This surgery is, hopefully, the thing that will take care of our struggle.  That in the months following the procedure, we will be blessed enough to have a baby.

So while I've been praying about this since the second I found out, I'm asking that, if you feel so led, you will join me in praying.

I'm not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest things I've gone through.  It hasn't always been easy to stay positive.  In fact, for probably 7 or 8 months following the miscarriage, I would often say, "We're not having kids."  It was easier for me to say it wasn't going to happen than to keep getting my hopes up.  Luckily, I have an amazing husband who will just respond with, "Have faith."  Those two words are words that I've really had to take in, to believe, to know.

The truth is, I don't know what the future holds, but I'm choosing to believe that God placed people in my life who knew about the fertility place that would lead me to the doctor that will perform the surgery.

So today, and every day from here on out, I am believing that God has great things planned for us.