Appreciating the seconds

Life has been busy, busy, busy around here!  Between S working, my photography, and adjusting to life with a four year old around, you could say we've been running around like crazy.  We're trying to soak in every second we have with the little man here though, and a lot of those seconds are spent doing this...

It's so fun seeing them together, and the excitement on J's face every time he catches a fish is priceless!  

We've also been doing a lot of name writing.  So far we only have three letter down, but he can spell (not write) his whole name now!  We're celebrating every victory as they come!

But what I've been mulling over lately is a lot bigger than just time spent fishing and learning to write  a name.  I'm talking about enjoying the present.  

Memorial Day hit me hard this year.  In church we were shown a video of several families who don't just think of, or celebrate, Memorial Day once a year.  It's a 24/7/365 thing for them.  I sat their thinking what if that was me.  What if instead of sitting here, with my husband comfortably by my side, I was reminiscing about the time spent with the man I love?  

I've never really had to consider it before.  Yes, we've spent a lot of time apart.  But with his first deployment now under his belt, this year could have been a lot different.  Ever since then I've been thinking, do I live in the present.  Do I live every day, every moment like it could be Memorial Day?  The answer was a big, fat, resounding NO.  I don't.  Truth be told, if you asked me what my last (almost) 2 years of marriage has been like, I would probably say tough.  Not good, not bad- tough.

In our first 18 months of marriage, we spent all but (roughly) 5 of them apart.  

We said more of the hardest "see you laters" than newlyweds should have to.

We said goodbye to an angel we'll never know.

And we've dealt with months and months of infertility since then.

Like I said... tough.  

But are those the only moments I want to remember?

Or do I want to remember 

the strength that came out of too much time spent apart?

the absolute sweetest "hello" we've ever said?

getting to experience a second "first kiss"? 

the joy and excitement that came with thinking of our family growing? 

the prospect and promise of what is to come? 

Blessed.  

Since Memorial Day, I've been trying to soak it all in.  

The small moments.  The big moments.  All of it.  

Riding in the car jamming to the Spice Girls song playing on the 90's channel.

The quiet moment I have to myself before tiny footsteps creep into the room.

The snoring pup beside me on the couch.  

No moment is too big or too small.  They're all equally important.  

Heaven forbid I ever have to think of Memorial Day in a way other than with the utmost respect for those that go through it daily and the lives that were lost on behalf of my freedom, I want to know that I did everything I could to appreciate the seconds I was given.  That I didn't take any time, no matter how small, for granted.  

I want to look back and remember that not only is life good, but even in the worst of moments, I, we, are still extremely blessed.  God has been more than good to us, and that's bigger than anything else.