Sunday night ramblings

HI FRIENDS!!!  Wow, has it been a long time or what?!  So much has happened over the last few months, and as always, I have been the worst at updating the blog.  But.  I'm hoping that will change.

So.  What's been going on?

Well, I've settled into my new life in Minnesota as my husband is deployed.  What a huge, huge blessing it has been to be back with my family and friends during this time!  We are just a little bit shy of hitting the halfway mark, and soon we'll be able to start thinking about homecoming.  OH BOY, I CAN'T WAIT!!!  In the meantime though, sweet Hailey Belle and I are hanging out, enjoying this time at home.

And I'm sure this goes without saying, since ya know, my husband is gone, but the journey to Baby Seidler is currently on hold.  Really, if I'm honest, it's been on hold for the better part of 2015, for a lot of different reasons, BUT I've still learned so much over the last, nearly 12 months.

So, let's jump right in.

A few days ago I read this blog by Natasha Metzler, and if you have a chance, it's a good, super quick, read.  This part really stuck out to me though, "It’s easy, when faced with an empty dream, to think, “If I just had this thing…” but it’s a lie. Dear one, did you hear me? It’s a lie. God created us to have relationship with Him. And only in Him will we find enough."

This is something I've struggled with a lot in my journey through infertility.

If only I could have a baby.
If only I didn't have endometriosis.
If only the treatments worked.
If only
If only
If only

The thing is, those statements never end.  There will always be something at the end of that 'if only.'  We are created to want more.  We crave it.  But ultimately, that list of 'if only's' will just keep growing and growing and growing.  

Now fast forward to this morning in church.  We read from 1 Thessalonians 5, verses 16-18.

"Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

Did you hear that?  Always be joyful.  Be thankful in all circumstances.

Let me say that again.

Always be joyful.  Be thankful in all circumstances.

It doesn't say be joyful only when times are good.  It doesn't say be thankful only when times are good.

See, that's too easy.  It's too easy to be thankful when everything is good.  When everything is happy. Just as it's too easy to be joyful in those times.

But what about when it's not?

What about when I'm still in the midst of a battle with infertility?  What about when I'm single and don't want to be?  What about when I've lost a family member, a friend, a loved one and I'm facing Christmas without them?  What about then?

Well.

You can still be joyful.  You can still be thankful.

And trust me when I say, I'm writing this for myself as much as anyone else.  Do you think I felt joy or thankfulness when the dr in the ER told me that I had lost my baby?  Um.  No.  I didn't.  So when I say this, please believe that I certainly have not always been able to feel joy and thankfulness during the hard times of my life.  

Then there's the blog I read tonight, which is ultimately what triggered this.

"It’s the lesson I was learning through infertility… the one I was so slow to understand. I needed to stop dreaming and start living the life God had given me."

God has given us everything we need to live a beautiful, fulfilled life, right.where.we.are.

Life is hard.  Can we be honest about that?  Dealing with infertility is hard.  Dealing with deployment is hard.  Trying to navigate through everyday life without wanting to bang my head against the wall every so often is hard.

But God has us in the place we are- where you are, where I am- for a reason, for a very specific purpose.  And it's good.  Oh, it's so good.  If we would just start living in it.  If we would just stop living in the 'if only' moments that we create in our minds.

If only I could have a baby.
If only I didn't have endometriosis.
If only the treatments worked.
If only
If only
If only

If only.

Friends, today I encourage you to stop living in the 'if only' moments.  Stop living for a tomorrow that hasn't even happened yet.  Stop living for the days, weeks, months, maybe even years ahead, that only God knows about.  Start living in today.  The here.  The now.  The moments that matter, and truthfully, the only moments you have, because as it says in Proverbs 27:1, "Don't brag about tomorrow, since you don't know what the day will bring."  Start being thankful and joyful in not just the good times, but the hard times too.  In the seasons where you're looking to God wondering why.  Start living your life the way God intended for it to be lived.